These last few months have found me in a place of some emotional and spiritual up's and down's. Being a woman of patience, consistency, and discipline isn't always easy. I have wanted to throw in the towel at times and start waving the white flag of surrender. Through it all, I do know with everything I have God is there, and He is faithful. I keep clinging to Him, trusting His character, and believing Him at His word.
There are several new and exciting challenges that I am facing as a wife and mom - places of discovery, growth, and freedom. Places where love can grow deeper and stronger; encouragement and understanding comes sooner than later; and guidance and wisdom take the lead. They are places of surrender and trust so that in the end, I look a little more like Him.
The circumstances that happen throughout the day are far from predictable. Hard and difficult days that make me reach out to Him to be carried because on my own, I may not stand. Days filled with joy and laughter that cause me to cry out with gratitude and thankfulness. I don't know what each day will hold, but I do have a Father in heaven who does. He will carry me through with His love, strength, wisdom, and endless grace.
I am seeing and feeling the hope again. Jesus breathing life in and around me again. Oh, I knew that it never stopped, but I was just so tired. I am tired of worrying, wondering, and wanting to have all the answers.
Sometimes, I just don't have the words to pray. So, I open my Bible, read, and so much of the time, the prayers begin - the cries and desires of my heart.
Which is the case today...
Teach me O LORD, the way of your statutes;
and I will keep it to the end.
Give me understanding, that I may keep your law and observe it with my whole heart.
Lead me in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it.
Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain.
Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways.
Confirm to your servant your promise, that you may be feared.
Turn away the reproach that I dread, for your rules are good.
Behold, I long for your precepts;
in your righteousness give me life!
Psalm 119:33-40 (ESV)